Triangle Partner Help [HW #36]

Comment for John's Blog

Here's something to cure the virus:

1. Rephrasing main idea (not sure if this is an improvement): Being cool is not being original or unique, it's having the appearance that you are original or unique amongst the other people in your group. The identities of the "cool" people derive from several common ideas. And the task of the "cool" person now is to put on a mask and that portray that idea.

2. Additional paragraph: In attempt to become a hero in our tribes, we engage in activities that will give us recognition. We follow these "immortality projects" that will give us the impression that we are significant, and will be remembered- that we will have a place in history. However, in reality, we aren't really cool at all (i.e. we are not original) nor are we heroes. We just choose to deceive the people around us, and especially ourselves into thinking that we all play the roles, rather than having the roles play us.

3. Other considerations:
- Bring in direct sources/quotes
- Create better transitions, so it seems like all of your paragraphs are linked together by one main idea
- And like Bao Lin said, personal connections


Comment for Gavin's Blog

Thesis: There is one dominant pattern in coolness, not just in the present, but also in the past. By examining that patter, we might be able to find where coolness originated, and where it will be headed.

Throughout history, people have maintained their strive for attention and status. Although the approach has certainly changed from feeding a tribe to dressing like Kanye West, the same underlying purpose is still there. We are still trying to be the hero of our own stories, and create meaning in our own lives. That desire, which we express through our cool actions, have remained the same.

- Create more tieback sentences that sew all these good points together

- Typo: "I would say that this is the first example of a mold that is half-complete; [they] weren't entirely..."

- Break up the 2nd argument into paragraphs

- You certainly have many connection and evidence, but may it'll help to include some quotes.