Initial Theories of Human Relationships [HW #52]

In terms of human relationships, they can broken down into two main categories: familiar relationships, and estranged relationships. Depending on what our relations are with whoever, we can act completely different. When we're at a comfort level with other people, we tend to seek for certain things:

Reassurance- We're constantly looking for people to tell us that we are right- that our sense of the world is correct. Of course, it would be seen as obvious and therefore desperate if we directly ask people, "Hey do you think I'm right when I say____?" for every single thought that we have. We, although not many, like to keep people guessing, and reserve some sort of mystique, and like people to believe that we have a trump card left to reveal, and so we don't do that. Instead, we go to the extreme opposite. We exaggerate in saying all the stuff that we don't believe in, and constantly repeat that opposing view, so that you can lure others into saying our actual thoughts. (e.g. grandparents constantly saying that they're going to die). And it is not only that we're looking for reassurance for our ideas and thoughts, but also we're looking for reassurance for our identities- that there are other people who are similar to us, and are experiencing the same thoughts.

Recognition- This is a fairly common idea: that all people seek for attention. In fact, we touched on this idea during the cool unit. On a day-to-day basis, we live our livings, acting a specific way in order to draw attention from others. By doing so, we have are in other people's lives, and therefore have a place in the world, and sense of importance- a sense that we matter in life. But of course, there are different levels for this desire. There are people who are content with the attention they get from their families and friends. Meanwhile, there are even more people who feel as though they need to broadcast themselves, so that even the strangers in their lives know who they are, and so that the strangers can possibly become a friend and/or more. The typical approach to attaining such attention is to be as loud as possible, and as obvious as possible. There are people who constantly shouts out the words "I" or "me" in attempt for others to know about them. And for some people, they would view this as "cute" or "funny," while others view it as annoying. But regardless, such attempts will certainly give them a slot in people's lives, whether that people one of "the person who are filled with joy" or "the person who is loud and obnoxious."

Empowerment through Familiarity- This is the type of feeling that we get/have gotten as a child when people say something that we can connect to/relate to. This connects to the first point about reassurance. We look for people who agrees with us, not only because we want to know that we're right but also because this common ground would create this family outside our biological family. It creates this clan for us, that would possibly back us up whenever it's needed. Because if someone were to attack you, it would be attacking the whole clan, being that it is one consisted of people with similar views.

Blame Game- Sometimes when we get too familiar with people, we tend to take advantage of them. We use them as a ventilation system for whenever something goes wrong. If anything, involving 2 or more people including yourself, were to go wrong, we often point fingers as a response. By placing the blame on other people, we distract ourselves from the failure that we're all part of. We can momentarily play the game of who's fault it is. And rather than persisting to solve the issue, we divert ourselves to this new issue of who's to blame. By doing so, we are able to place the spotlight of this horrible act onto someone that is not you. But also, we do this as a way to create this fantasy that we have this card in our back pockets. We blame others so that we can lie to ourselves, that we could do better if not for this burden.

For those we do not interact with on a daily basis or know well, we interact with them in a completely different manner.

Enhanced versions who we want to be and not who we are- In a world where there are no ties and nobody to know you well enough to blow off your cover, we can act however we want. The subways, the streets, the restaurants, wherever are the the perfect stage for us to be what we could never people with the people that we know now.

Minimal Interaction- Aside from putting on this (cool) pose, we try to interact with strangers as little as possible. We have a fear of being judged or criticized. We already have to deal with enough people as it is, with our lives and the people in it currently, we wouldn't want to have more people judging us. (Although that does contradict with our desire for attention, but I guess we're always filtering out the people, usually determined by looks, who are worth the risk and who aren't). This fear is one of the reasons why we, at least most of us, need some sort of distractions when we're outside, on the trains or whatever (e.g. iPods, newspaper, books, DRDs, company of an associate). We don't want to risk meeting eyes with someone on the train, and then awkwardly divert them and pretend to be watching something else. However, we are more likely to interact with other people if we are with those we are familiar with, for that there's a sense of backup if anything goes wrong.