Freestylin' [HW #17]

Comment for John's Blog

I agree with J0hn Galt. Your arguments are very clear. I think that from argument 1 to argument 3, you build up on the whole "easier to manipulate"- like, arguments 1 and 2 explain why we would be vulnerable to manipulation. And for the third argument, I might emphasize more on us eating what society feeds us.

I might also trim down on the evidence on the first argument. When you begin to make it into paragraph form, you might be overwhelmed, trying to fit all those pieces of evidence.

It was also good how you provided the alt. pov and then an extra argument after that to override it. I might consider adding that extra argument after my alt. pov.

Comment for Gavin's Blog

"we reinvent our personalities to account for the growing faceless factor; our masks in real life get removed and replaced with shiner, different ones online."- pretty diesel, triad brother.

I think you have a good idea about what you're gonna write about- like exact statements and highlights.

I particularly like your argument 2 about depersonalizaton through re-personalization. I want to see how this is going to develop.

I know you have more evidence in mind, but it might be helpful to write it out and organize it in your outline, rather than freestyling as you're writing your essay. But then again, you could probably still pull that off.

I would also consider having an alternative pov and arguing against it.

Peace.