Look at that back- where's the structure? He clearly has no class.
He was just sitting there, next to the tree. Perhaps he is waiting for someone. No... well, whatever I gotta go home, gotta sign on AIM; people are waiting.
But look at him. What a loser. What is he even looking at? The clouds? What is there to look at? It's so plain, and gloomy. They don't really have one consistent shape. It's pretty dark, but not completely dark I guess. Looks kind of like... Hmm...Like the color of the Apple icon, and has the form of...Cousin Itt.
Oh! Owww. Stupid lady poked her umbrella into my eye. Eh, it doesn't hurt that much. "Ohhhh, owwww. My eye... It hurts! If only someone would watch where they were going..." Yeah, she probably heard that. Alright, onto home.
How did that guy reacting to this injustice of eye-poking? Did he not notice? He's still there, and still looking upwards. How long can you stare a clouds? Maybe, he's feeling the rain. What a loser.
The rain does feel nice.
Doesn't this guy have work? Doesn't he have school Doesn't he have a family? How does he have time to just sit there? Maybe he has a day off today. But still, he should have so many better things to do. If I had the time he had, I would already be level 100.
I wish I had the time that this guy has. I would be able to do some many other things than just sit in a classroom and listen to the teacher talk. It's not like they have anything good to say anyways. They're always so repetitive. I can't wait until I am free from school. I would finally be able to do what I want, and it's probably going to be more productive.
Oh look, I have the light. Time to go home.
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What I like a lot about your story is how the main character has to put down or denegrate someone else in order to feel good about himself by comparison. I think you illustrate here really well a pathetic side of human nature which is that our feeling cool depends on our finding other people uncool.
ReplyDeleteI also like that line " The rain does feel nice," which shows that he can't talk himself into thinking that this guy is 100% uncool.
ReplyDeletehahaha, I'm glad you stuck to your story you were 'successfully' working on in 101. I liked how you typed this. "Oh look, I have the light. Time to go home." Although it was 'show and tell' it still made your story flow a lot better than I could imagine. Why are you getting so upset about how this guy is chilling more than you? In the end are you just jealous? yeah I would be.
ReplyDelete-Esther
Nice, the story makes you think "who's the cool character here?". The character that's watching the other character might be popular because he wants to sign on aim for all those people he calls friends. At the same time he could be the loser that just signs on aim hoping that someone might talk to him. Also he's kind of conforming to the idea that school really sucks.
ReplyDeletethe other guy here has really something interesting going on. He's a mystery type of cool. I wonder what he really is looking at, i understand that you might get lost by looking up at the clouds sometimes but i snap out of it eventually. Or he can be someone who just enjoys being outside, the rain is rather refreshing sometimes.
Is the person looking up at the clouds wasting his time? hm... good story so many questions in maybe like 3 mins of time.
I agreed with John also this story it is somehow very mysterious. You create the characters that could have so many possibilities, and the readers did not get all sides of them. (I didn’t even see any names in this story, which it shows what I mean.)
ReplyDeleteThe story is very plain in a way, but I do see the idea of cool in here. But whether the guy who is staring at clouds is cool, or the guy who plays video games and sign on aim, I don’t think you draw the line clear in this story.
To me, they are both not cool regarding on my definition. xD
Bao Lin
Andy,
ReplyDeletehte old lady and umbrella eye poke worked so well that i thought about it a second time and realized it was symbolic too.
were you conscious of that while writing it?